Buon giorno. I hope you all had a good Christmas. This article is not going to be about Christmas, but I wanted to discuss some thoughts that were triggered during Christmas card time. This will be a bit rambling and disjointed; I'm not trying to say much of anything, really.
In early 2010, I was examining Minimalism, and receiving some sense of liberation by uncluttering stuff in my life. But — what about removing people?
Christmas has been a bit rough for us the past couple of years because of deaths, illnesses, injuries, depression and other things that I will not elaborate on. I was not enthused when it came to writing out Christmas cards. Going down the list of names added to the difficulties. My father was a pastor, and we did not stay put much because the Untied (misspelling intentional) Methodist denomination seldom lets people stay put for more than a few years (I think the five years I spent in Lansing, Michigan were the longest I lived in one area while I was with my parents.) My parents made many friends in several churches. Some of those churches were tiny, some had hundreds of members. Anyway, they exchanged Christmas cards with some of those people for decades.
When you only hear from someone once a year so you can exchange obligatory cards, what good is it? I had resolved not to let that kind of thing happen. Either friends I had made along the way and I cared enough about each other enough to stay in touch, or we didn't. Well, duh. That is, if all we did was the once a year thing, but no contact in the in-between times, were we really friends, or not? Those promises made to always stay in touch, to always remain close, to be there for you...
E-mail muddies the stream even further. You can stay in touch in a way by sending links, jokes and things, sending group mailings, sending your written thoughts, but I do like to send some thing physical to certain people. So, the e-mail thing is not the issue here, capice?
Sure, people get busy or have problems and maybe they couldn't do much in the past year. But when it continues, it's time to consider letting the people from the past remain in the past. Why send them a card when we're not keeping in touch in other ways? I feel that I'm prolonging the inevitable fading by obligating them to reciprocate.
Looking at the list, remembering people and how we were close. And sometimes agonizing over the memories and feelings, should I just drop it? Cut them off? It's one thing when a friendship turns sour and it really does end, or if someone just stops communicating with you for unknown reason and you're pretty sure they're done with you. But the fade away aspect seems harder to me.
Anyway, there's no hurry to trim people from our lives. Although I could not get past my personal issues and deal with sending cards (almost none were sent), I can look at the list another time, when there is no time or emotional pressure. Trimming people out of your life, "minimalizing" — is it worth it? Is it necessary? I think it might be, to clear up mental and emotional clutter. I'll find out.
In early 2010, I was examining Minimalism, and receiving some sense of liberation by uncluttering stuff in my life. But — what about removing people?
Christmas has been a bit rough for us the past couple of years because of deaths, illnesses, injuries, depression and other things that I will not elaborate on. I was not enthused when it came to writing out Christmas cards. Going down the list of names added to the difficulties. My father was a pastor, and we did not stay put much because the Untied (misspelling intentional) Methodist denomination seldom lets people stay put for more than a few years (I think the five years I spent in Lansing, Michigan were the longest I lived in one area while I was with my parents.) My parents made many friends in several churches. Some of those churches were tiny, some had hundreds of members. Anyway, they exchanged Christmas cards with some of those people for decades.
E-mail muddies the stream even further. You can stay in touch in a way by sending links, jokes and things, sending group mailings, sending your written thoughts, but I do like to send some thing physical to certain people. So, the e-mail thing is not the issue here, capice?
Sure, people get busy or have problems and maybe they couldn't do much in the past year. But when it continues, it's time to consider letting the people from the past remain in the past. Why send them a card when we're not keeping in touch in other ways? I feel that I'm prolonging the inevitable fading by obligating them to reciprocate.
Looking at the list, remembering people and how we were close. And sometimes agonizing over the memories and feelings, should I just drop it? Cut them off? It's one thing when a friendship turns sour and it really does end, or if someone just stops communicating with you for unknown reason and you're pretty sure they're done with you. But the fade away aspect seems harder to me.
Anyway, there's no hurry to trim people from our lives. Although I could not get past my personal issues and deal with sending cards (almost none were sent), I can look at the list another time, when there is no time or emotional pressure. Trimming people out of your life, "minimalizing" — is it worth it? Is it necessary? I think it might be, to clear up mental and emotional clutter. I'll find out.
