Don't Axe Me About That

Buona sera. Yours truly is too distracted to take on anything important today. This subject may get a bit important. You decide.

Here in the US and in some other parts of the world, there is a product called Axe (or Lynx in some areas). It's made by Unilever. I've seen some of the advertising from outside the USA (Germany, I think), and there seems to be a common theme: Guys, use this shower gel, deodorant spray, deodorant stick and you'll have hot babes throwing themselves at you and you'll have no problem getting laid.

Unilever knows that sex sells, so they've gone all-out with it. And that's fine. Personally, I think it's all a joke, or a parody, because they're so up front (giggidy!) with it. (If there really was a fragrance product that could induce lustful feelings in attractive females, I can think of two things that would happen. First, it would be common knowledge. Second, "antidotes" or "neutralizers" would also be developed, so the search would continue.) Maybe these products are targeted at younger members of the population (the Coop and Tobin show on WPDH radio this morning discussed that they think it was targeted at kids. But they couldn't correctly name any of the popular fragrances Axe makes). I don't know who the target is. Again, I think it's more of a joke than anything else, and Unilever is having fun with it.

If you've seen the adverts for Axe, you may have noticed that the guys that the women are chasing are not fat, dumpy 40-ish and unattractive. No, usually the guys getting the girls are ones that probably don't need a lust-inducing fragrance.

Guys, if you want to get lucky, make yourself interesting. (No, not "nasty movie" interesting, because the people in those films are not exactly representatives of the majority; real-life doesn't give you steroids, selective photography, the chance to yell, "Cut!" and take a break...) I mean, make yourself look as good as you can. Clean up, build up within reason, eat right, take care of yourself. And, bluntly, read up on some bedroom skills (AskMen.com, Men's Health, Mark Rudov, Ron Louis, David Copeland, DeAngelo, etc.) so that if you do get that roll in the hay, you'll make her happy enough that she'll want another one. Capice?

But more importantly, get a personality. Jeez, some of you guys...no wonder you never get any action! Nicky's always chasing the girls, but at least he has something to offer them in the personality department. (And he must be doing something right, some of the girls keep calling him back.) Hal the Hacker doesn't interest women. But that's fine, I want him doing what I assign, not doing the Horizontal Mambo. If he develops some personality skills and a physique, I'll have to hire a replacement to hack into the ChiCom mainframes because he'll be discovering the joys of having a life beyond cyberspace.

OK, so it got more serious than I expected. Hope you guys got something out of this. (Well, the straight ones. I can't help anyone with man-on-man action; I don't swing that way -- even my license plate says "STR8".)

Sorry about all the (parentheses) today. Told you I was a bit distracted.

I have to take care of a particularly insistent goomah now. I may not have the looks or be so young anymore, but I have personality, skills -- and grotzits to spend. Babes love that. Oh, and using Axe doesn't hurt, either. Hey, if you do use Axe or any other fragrance, don't bathe in it! Nobody wants to smell you from ten feet away. Don't be a cafone. If you have personality and anything else that attracts women, she'll only need to smell you from a little ways away.