The Green Green Cash at Home

Buon giorno, girls and gorillas. Let's take a moment to say, "Happy Birthday" to Christina. She's there in the back, looking embarrassed. Give us a wave, Teenie. Thanks. Stop staring, Nicki. She's too young.

One thing that the boys and I know about is money. We like to get it more than give it, of course, but sometimes you have to part with it. Even though we have quite a bit of it, we don't like to part with any more than we have to.

Let me tell you about some stupid spending. Freakin' idiotic, really. I know a weasel that spends money like nobody's business. (Well, it's not her money, it's from the hardworking taxpayers or from sponging off her mother. That's why it's fun for her to spend it.) But for those of us who have to work for a living, we try to be careful with what we do with our cash.

Spend smart. Weasel girl doesn't do this. She loads the icebox with pre-packaged goodies and convenience foods that are not only unhealthy but very expensive. Sure, there's a time for convenience foods, but it's much more economical to buy a block of cheese, for instance, and cut it up, store it in small-serving plastic bags and then grab one to throw in your lunch on the way to work or school. The same with those dreadful "juice boxes". If you really have to pollute yourself with that stuff, get a big bottle and pour some into a small, portable bottle. Capice? The savings add up.

Resist the impulses. Sure, I like to buy a new gun on occasion. But I look at whether or not I really need it, the extras like the cost of ammo and a carrying case, etc. And do I need the pearl-handled revolver, really? Something a little plainer will work just as well. But if I do decide to be extravagant, I plan for a while, think things through, add the costs, and budget for it. Listen, if I buy something too quickly, I won't have money for something else later on. Can I live with that? Besides, something may go on sale.

Consider the off-brands. Go ahead, try the store brands. Little Weaselette refuses to buy anything but the name-brand stuff because it must be better. Wrong-o, Cupcake. I've found that off brands are often at least as good as the name brands, sometimes better. But you have to take a chance, try a few things. Sometimes, you'll find that a certain name brand is better for you and you can't do without it. Fine, you tried.

"But Uncle Bob, the doctor said I should use Motrin!" Shaddap! Think for a minute. He said that for name recognition. Most doctors don't tell their patients to use acetaminophen, but that's what Tylenol is. Doctors don't say ibuprofen, either, so they say Motrin or Advil. Listen, for a drug to be marketed generically, the law says that it has to be chemically identical to the name brand. I get acetaminophen and ibuprofen for half or even a quarter of the cost of the name brands. You just have to keep alert.

Don't be too cheap. I know, I know, it sounds like a contradiction to what I just said. The fact is that sometimes you have to pay more for something good. This whole thing is a learning experience. Or a game. Just keep at it and learn that there are some things you have to spend more to get because some stuff is made so cheaply that you'll wind up replacing it and spending more money in the long run. Use your judgement.

The bottom line is to think about what you're doing. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to tell Nicki that he can't have Christina's e-mail address. Hey, Bastardo!

Addendum: The continuation of this article is about saving fuel and can be found here.

You Can't Do ALL of Them

To mis-quote the Beatles, "You say you want a resolution, well, you know..." Yeah, the boys in the crew did what I expected and set some that lasted less than forty eight hours. Nicky is kind of toasted as I write this, and he's hitting on a barmaid. That's two of his resolutions down right away.

If you didn't get to read my post about getting things done and lined up for the New Year, well, I'll forgive you. What else can I do? But seriously, if you want to apply the principles, you can set a target date and go for it.

It was a bit rough, practicing what I preached. December 31st was a busy day for me, getting things done and ready for the New Year. And New Year's Day was busy, too, since things were in line and ready to go. I even accomplished some new goals already, especially Operation Firebringer. But never mind about that now.

I showered up with a new shower gel, mentally washing away the disaster that was 2007. Shaved with a new razor blade, dried off with a new towel and then put on new cologne. Also, took some new pills (legal, of course) for the New Year. Then I put on a new shirt and thought, "Look out, 2008, I'm coming to get you."

There were several things that I got accomplished, and it felt good. But I couldn't get everything done that I wanted to, and didn't get everything in place for the New Year. But so what? I did get quite a bit done and ready. Other things were scheduled and targeted for the first week of the year, or the first reasonable day to get them done. The main goal is to write things down, set realistic goals, and get after them.

The little things that demand our time create clutter, and they distract from the important things that we need to get done. (Did you ever notice that one task leads to several other tasks? Sometimes, things get worse and more cluttered before they get better.) So, we have to set priorities and budget our time. Being realistic helps.

Anyway, I wish you all the best that you can get this year. Here's a hint: make it happen. If you don't know how, how about getting edjamakated and learning a new skill or something? Just a thought.

Happy New Year!

Time for a New Calendar

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Blasted cat! Get off the keyboard!

I see by the calendar on the wall that it's time to buy a new calendar. People are going to be having parties, getting drunk, crying — and making New Year's Resolutions. (The boys in my crew are really big on making resolutions about not drinking so much, but you know how that goes.) I'm not a big believer in those things. The time to make changes is now. If you need to change something in your life, do it. If you need a calendar date, go for the first day of the week or the first of the next month.

"Jeez, Uncle Bob, you don't believe in setting goals, do you?" I didn't say that. I believe in setting goals more often than one day a year, when they'll be forgotten in a few days anyway. If you mess up, fine, start again in a couple of days or something.

That being said, I want to repeat a little of what I wrote about birthdays. You should make your birthday your own personal New Year's Day. Set goals, make evaluations, do something for yourself. It's a very personal day if you make it that way.

I also wrote that the subconscious is sensitive to events and things like this. Therefore, I'm going to go somewhere in the middle.

Since most of the world makes a big deal about the first of the year, why not jump on that bandwagon and use it to your advantage? There are things we can do so that we can enter the new year prepared and not dreading the challenges ahead so much. I don't give a rat's tail about superstitions, fun though they are, but that if something is going to affect us subconsciously, it should be used to be a positive thing. In fact, some of those superstitions have practical benefits. There are even some similarities between Western traditions and the Tibetan New Year.

Let's be practical. Get things set up, in place, accomplished, ready to roll before the first of the year. Bada bing, you're ready to face it.

• Put fuel in your car
• Get the trash out of the house, or in its designated place
• Pay as many bills as you can
• Clean out your computer: store the naughty pictures somewhere besides your main drive, do backups of important documents, update your virus scanner, update your spyware scanner, run the scanners, scan, defragment, install Firefox and see how it cuts down on spyware and malicious Web infections as well as speeding up your online life (yes, really)
  
• Gather up things that you've borrowed and return them
• Buy some new clothes, even just a shirt, for the first day of the year
• Get organized with things filed, sorted, put away
• Have the laundry done
• Get a new razor or replace the old blades
  
• On the first, take a shower and mentally wash away the old year
• Change the batteries in things that take batteries
• Make a list of things you want to accomplish. Yeah, write it down. These are long-term and short-term
• Learn to do something new, develop a new skill (this item and the one just before are more appropriate for birthday goals, but what the heck)
  
• Hang up that new calendar

OK, so you get the idea. I hope you have a safe, healthy and prosperous New Year. Now, if you'll excuse me, I know a store that sells calendars at half price. Be seeing you!